Atajrubah IndieGoGo Campaign Preview

MrNexy

Hey there folks ,

This is something that has been in the works for quite some time , its the fundraising campaign for my game "Atajrubah". Right now the campaign is in preview mode and I'm looking to gather feedback about how people feel about the campaign.

Won't you check it out and let me know your thoughts , the campaign should be going live by the 22nd of January if all is well in the world

Best Regards and Much Love
MrNexy and the Atajrubah Team

http://www.indiegogo.com/project/preview/77762c09

edg3

Initial thoughts:
You could do with some sprucing up of the page, you need to catch the guys with your first little bit of space below the video before they even watch it.

There needs to be something very easy to read and see what it is about, what is that one sentence that should get people hooked on your game? (An example: "A virtual reality multiplayer online game based in a fantasy Arabian inspired world where you do X, currently in Alpha stage. Supports Occulus Rift"). You have something of that sorts right by the name of the project, but the big bold "What is Atajrubah about" draws your eyes away from this. If you are going to draw the focus with such large text, at least make the large text immediately relevant.

Another thing is you should add in some pictures relevant to the game itself, some people cannot watch videos. Try and capture them with art from the game. In-game screenshots, concept art, art in progress, pretty things that people like to see. Try tell the story of how it will be a great game through images placed within the text area rather than just giving visuals inside the video. You could even make a gif or two (try to keep them sub 400kB if possible).

Add in more text telling your story, even if the video covers parts of it. Give broader detail, places that you guys post things regularly. Show them these places so they know you are active, and not just after their money. If possible mention previous successful products you have shipped. People will want to know more about you before they give you any money.

I would also reconsider some of the existing content in the text, a lot of it seems very businessy, but it isn't a business that will invest in you, it will most likely be normal gamers. They want to hear about the story, not about the business. You can still mention business related strategy, but remember who your target audience is.

Similarly, you don't seem to have a prominent link to the alpha (if it is available) but you encourage making Youtube videos. Perhaps you could consider some sort of tech demo for people to try out if you want them to show off the project?

You should include longer term goals as part of the campaign too. What is your studio going to do after the multiplayer is funded and complete? Where will the project go afterwards? Will you be updating it? Will you look at adding features?

Lastly, I would have to point out that with a goal of 10,000USD having your top tiers at large amounts could be dangerous (if you are only just passing your goal at the end of the campaign you could lose funding if one or two large value donors drop from the project).

Hopefully I gave some points that could help you out.

dislekcia

Hmm. I'm sorry to be a downer, but I wouldn't call this ready to run with at all... Also, note that this is feedback in the spirit of producing a successful funding campaign and an awesome game, read with that in mind!

• The graphics you're showing for budget breakdowns and milestones really don't look great. If you're trying to sell people on the game due to its graphics, you've got to have consistently amazing graphics surrounding the game, that includes your funding campaign.
  
  
• You're not spending any attention on how other people are going to talk about the game. There's nothing there to help people say "Hey, have you seen that Arabian survival game?" and then link their friends. There's a bunch of stuff you could do to fix that, but that's a whole different post on its own... Bottom line "And just as the sand zombies were about to suck the water from my body, the Djinn I'd trapped earlier broke out of the flimsy lantern and it was so pissed that it ripped everything to shreds! I took the opportunity to run like hell and that's when I met..."
  
  
• The gameplay, what there was of it, didn't wow me. Yes, you could be focusing on the difficulty of surviving in the desert, but then I'd fill the video with glancing up at a searing sun, heat-haze hallucinations and mirage effects, all culminating in the joy of finding an oasis, then frantically building defenses against the glowing eyes coming towards you from the dunes as the terrible sun sinks below the windblown horizon... Tell a story that I can make my own ending to, don't show me tech concepts where the tech isn't itself remarkable.
  
  
• The subtitles were hard to read (give them a black border pls), you were very quiet compared to the music at the start and everyone in the video talking about "how cool the idea was" at the end sets off all sorts of alarm bells in my mind - your job isn't to sell an idea, it's to sell a game to backers. If they people who just played your best efforts aren't raving about how awesome the game was for them and can only talk about the potential of the idea? That's not going to make me get my wallet out.
  
  
• Your budget is too low. The game clearly isn't finished and isn't anywhere near being finished, yet you're asking for an amount of money that indicates that you're in the home stretch. This is especially true because of the scope of the project you're trying to fund, the relatively small size of your team and the inconsistency around the rest of the project's information. That makes me feel like the team isn't very good at estimating milestones/workload/time and so I'm not convinced that they'll produce a thing on time so that I'd get something for my funding.
  

AlphaSheep

1. For funding, you are not trying to make people want to play your game. If they want to play it, they can just buy it when it's released. You want people to want everyone else to play your game.

2. More pictures. People only read words if they're headings or embedded in a graphic...

rustybroomhandle

Also not too late to go with Kickstarter. It's more of a hassle, but you are far more likely to get funded. Just a thought.

And I suspect you will need way more than $10000.

2014 seems to be the year of survival games. (and space sims!)

MrNexy

Thank you for the honest feedback and support folks ! :)
Notes have been taken and I'm making changes to the campaign accordingly.

<3 !

edg3

MrNexy said:

Thank you for the honest feedback and support folks ! :)
Notes have been taken and I'm making changes to the campaign accordingly.

<3 !

I was worried the text-walls would scare you guys away! Hope your campaign turns out really well!

MrNexy

Thanks edg3 !
I've got a pretty thick skin and don't mind a good read ;)
Sometimes honesty sucks but it still beats being lied to ! :P

Boysano

Doesn't look like the page link works anymore? did you move it to start kicking?

MrNexy

@Boysano - The link has been disabled for the time being. Making improvements to the page and video :)

MrNexy

Hey there folks :) Back again with a bunch of changes to the campaign page and video.
The audio will be sent off to the sound Engineer tomorrow, higher resolution versions of the titles are on their way for the video.Also I'll be sorting out the jitter in the scrolling elements in the morrow (well when I wake up in 4 hours hehe).

I do hope that this feels more genuine and personal , hopefully I have done a better job communicating what the project is about and my enthusiasm. I'm always a bit afraid that I come across a bit too informal , so I tend to overcompensate by being less animated( boring or unenthusiastic ).

I'll be uploading the new pre alpha build to IndieDB and OculusShare tomorrow as well.
Let me know your thoughts , feedback is always appreciated <3

https://www.indiegogo.com/project/preview/77762c09

dislekcia

That is a lot better. You're stating your goals much clearer now, explaining the game more and the $10K target makes sense... I'm not convinced that it's good for your goal to let on that the game won't be finished after you hit the funding target, but at least you're explaining what you're looking for now.

I'd say that your audio definitely needs to be mastered to match the levels on new recording sections (the volume drops each time a new audio section starts, it's pretty obvious how it was recorded in chunks). You definitely sound better in the video now though. I think the wording right at the end is sketchy though - I'd leave out the stuff about still working on it even if you don't reach your target, why tell people that who have watched all the way through (so either they care a ton or they're not sure yet) you really don't want to invalidate their desire to fund you. I feel like the call to help even if you can't fund is a much stronger call to action.

Finally, stick that "Download Alpha" link right at the top of the campaign. People should be able to see that they can get something you've actually made easily, just the presence of that huge link/image in the campaign will make people take it more seriously, especially if they don't watch the video first. Also, stop with the pre-alpha stuff. The thing you've got now is an alpha, you're trying to build an online beta. Betas are a much clearer, more respected target than an alpha, especially if you're calling something that's already available "pre-alpha", that cheapens it quite a lot... I understand the desire to use the alpha label as a form of protection, but you're making your goal seem less meaningful. Betas are cool, make a beta :)

Fengol

Atajrubah is an Arabian inspired survival game for the Oculus Rift. Think Minecraft meets DayZ meets the Middle East, but with Ghuls and Djinn instead of Zombies or Creepers.

Superior definition! It's also worth checking out this talk about explaining your game (via the forum discussion).

MrNexy

Changes have been made , sound shall be off with the sound engineer to Dubai today :)
Fixing some edge artifacts as we speak :3

https://www.indiegogo.com/project/preview/77762c09

@dislekcia Thank you for taking the time to leave me such detailed feedback :D
@Fengol Thank you ! That was a fantastic read.

@All I really can't express how much I appreciate the feedback and advice :)

dislekcia

@MrNexy: No worries! Feedback like that helped me do things better in the past and I'll be looking for feedback again in the future, so what goes around comes around ;) Glad you got what I was saying about the alpha nomenclature.

I'm keen to see you guys finish this.

MrNexy

@MrNexy: No worries! Feedback like that helped me do things better in the past and I'll be looking for feedback again in the future, so what goes around comes around ;) Glad you got what I was saying about the alpha nomenclature.

I am more than happy to return the favor when the time comes :)

MrNexy

The campaign has gone live now :)
Thanks again for the support and advice , now comes the really hard work !

[Campaign Link]
http://igg.me/at/Atajrubah/x/142195